Fifty Shades of Goodbye
by CatchingMyStars
Summary: What happens when Christian makes a mistake that Ana cannot forgive him for? Will Christian give in or will her fight for her?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 13: Goodbye

**Author's Note!**

**Helloooooooo readers! :)) I've missed you all so deeply. Too deeply! So. Here's something! However :) This is chapter happens after Chapter 12 of my previous story "Fifty Shades of Infidelity". During the course of the story, there was another camp who wanted Ethan with Ana. So here's an alternate reality :) Hope you enjoy.**

At Christian's words, my heart self-destructed. It shattered into tiny little pieces and I leaned against the door entirely. My sobbing grew louder. I could not do this. I shook my head, rolling the back of my scalp against the wooden door. I can not do this.

I just could not.

I palmed my face and dried my tears, trying to clog the hole in the dam. "Ana, are you okay?" Christian pressed, his voice so close that I jumped from the door. In answer, I cried louder.

My attempt to forgive him and walk right back into his life has failed. I scanned the room and remembered my time living in here. I should have known he was too twisted to fix. I should have known that I was walking down the wrong road. A wayward road that was Christian Grey.

But he was our beautiful man, my inner goddess shook her head at me.

She was right. Christian had been the one man to change me, to give me purpose to desire love. My heart had responded to him the day I set eyes on him. But... How could I let go of his mistake? I would never be able to.

"Ana, I'm going to come in if you don't come out." Christian warned. Even though he was trying to be stern, worry etched his voice and it just stabbed my heart of ashes even more.

"P-"My voice cut off. "Pl-" I sobbed, uncontrollably. "Please d-d-d-don't." Whimpering, I curled into a ball by the bed side table.

Christian could not come in, not when I was in this shape. Not when I was under this dark cloud. A dark cloud that was telling me that Christian and I could no longer be together. Christian could not come in. Not when I was buying every word the dark cloud was saying.

But Christian had been my all. I thought of the times that he had revealed his stalker ways. My brain hit play on our memory reel. The first time I met him... His beautiful grey eyes that beckoned to me. After that, I had thought I would never see him again.

That was why the second time I had seen him came to me as a surprise. Christian had appeared in my shop, disorienting my boss. This particular memory drew out a giggle from me and I found myself smiling. He had come in to buy cable cords. If only I had known then. I laughed a little once more.

I drew my legs into my chest and felt the tears trickle down onto the wooden floor. Each memory had its own special quality, each it's own unique emotion that Christian and I had shared.

"Anastasia?" Christian whispered after a long time.

The sound of his voice jerked my memory train to the day I found out. The day he had confessed to making love to Leila. My inner goddess now fell silent, finally understanding why I had made the decision.

Scanning the room once more, I located it. I rose from my position, pins and needles spreading through my feet. Hobbling, I wiped my tears methodically as I directed myself to the phone.

Biting my bottom lip, I thought about calling Ethan. But then decided against it when I remembered that he had a rough night no thanks to me. Jabbing in the buttons, I heard Christian beckon me to answer me once more.

"Hello, who is this?" I sighed at the voice, a voice that had seen me through thick and thin. A voice that had soothed me through my grandparents funerals and the voice that had sung my birthday songs.

"It's... Ana." My voice drifted a little, strained from all the crying.

"Ana?" The voice was shocked. "Oh, my dear Ana. Where are you? Are you alright?"

That only made me cry more. I hated being asked if I was alright. It only made me feel like I was even more broken. "Sweetheart, where are you? I'll come get you."

"Christian's." I choked out.

"Ana? Who are you talking to?" Christian questioned.

"Right away. Don't move." I heard car keys and a door slamming.

"Thank you." I whispered, putting down the phone.

"Anastasia?" Christian called once more, urgent.

I was going to miss him. But this was the best for the both of us. He could go back to living in his BDSM universe, running the world from his tower in Escala. I could return to living my normal life. One without Christian.

Sighing, I decided it was time to say my goodbyes. "Give me a minute, Christian." I said a little loudly so he would not miss it.

"Alright," I heard him heave a sigh of relief. "Take your time, baby."

I flinched. More evidence that we could not continue. I headed to the toilet and pursed my lips at my reflection. I was a train wreck. Sighing, I turned on the tap and washed my blotchy red eyes away. I baptized them seven times to no avail. Surrendering, I worked on my hair. Crazy tangles and knots had gotten into them and it was all I could do was to loosen them with my fingers. There was nothing useful in this toilet.

Nothing showing that life had been here. No Leila.

My inner goddess remained silent, unable to decide who's side she was going to take.

"Better now than later, Steele." I coached myself, waving my finger at the mirror. "Whether you're ugly as hell or not." Straightening my blouse, I decided it was time. It was time to face my kryptonite. As I walked through the shadow of the valley of the dead… I clenched my jaw in anticipation.

I unlocked the door. I put my hand on the handle and breathed, shaking nervously. Christian must have decided to be patient and give me enough space, because I found him leaning against the opposite wall. Looking like a greek sex god, he had his hands tucked into his jeans pocket with one leg bent against the wall. Christian's eyes were downcast and I swallowed, anticipating his…

Finishing my sentence, Christian's grey eyes torched mine. I lost my breath.

Pain saturated his beautiful eyes upon meeting mine. "I hate making you cry." Christian growled, "I can't seem to make you laugh anymore."

"That's what I need to talk to you about, Christian." I cleared my throat to sound a little more professional.

Christian sighed and put his foot down, straightening his stance to receive me. With his hands still tucked in, he dragged himself to stop in front of me. This scene was too awkward for me, too forced… He knows something is up.

"Christian, I think this," I gesticulated to us, "is over."

His head snapped up and his jaws clenched, "No." He folded his arms across his chest and shook his head.

"It's hard enough for me to say that, Christian." I was exasperated, not even wanting to deliberate any second longer. "Please just let me be."

"Ana, no." Christian balled his fists, his expression so stormy that I wanted to take a step back. "I can't afford to lose you."

It made me feel so sorry for him. "Look at us now," I flattened my lips and shook my head at him, "I think you've already lost me."

There was a tear in Christian's plastic expression, a line of raw emotion that hardly anyone could get the opportunity to see. He was tearing at the seams. "I can fix this, I can fix us."

"I'd really like to believe that, Christian, I really do." Even my voice was saturated with pure desire for us to be right again. "But look at me, I can't even stand the sight of you anymore."

Christian's eyebrows furrowed and his voice was soft, "You can't?"

My breathing came hard and I felt the tears prick in my eyes, "I love you, but everytime I look at your beautiful face…" The first tears rolled down my cheeks and blurred my vision, "I remember everything."

I watched as Christian's eyes became glassy, brimming with the waterworks that I had never once seen. Christian's breathing became controlled, scrutinized to the point where he could attempt to hold back the tears. Clearly, he's never been one to cry in consciousness. But was it that bad to cry in front of me? He had done it multiple times in his sleep before.

To stand here and watch my gorgeous man break, crumbling into pieces, I was guilty. The pain choked me where it hurt and I felt a strong uncomfortable suction build up in my chest. I love this man, but I could no longer be with him.

Suddenly, he closed himself from me. Christian's eyes fluttered close and he took a step backwards. I let my own tears spill as I watched a small tiny drop manifest at the corner of his eye. "Where will you go?" He asked, a hand flying up to erase the evidence.

I could barely believe what I had just done. I had made Christian cry. I was now a parallel to his deepest nightmares of his mother and of the pimp. I was someone who hurt him. How could I stand myself? The tears came harder.

"Where will you go, Anastasia?" His tone was monotonous, devout of all emotion.

That only pained me more and I had to close my eyes to stop torturing myself.

"I'm going back to my apartment, Christian." I managed to say without any awkward breaks.

He nodded, "Taylor will send you."

"No, it's alright." I told my statue.

Our eyes opened together and met, tangling in the mess of Grey and Blue that was once filled with love. Now, filled with caution and remorse on both sides. "No, Taylor will take you."

"I have a ride." I told Christian, contemplating reaching out to touch him. "I don't want to fight about this."

"Mr Grey," Taylor stepped forward, aware of the sky-high tension in the room. "Miss Kavanagh is requesting access to the penthouse."

"It's alright, Taylor." I said before Christian could. "I'm going down."

Taylor's eyes flickered to Christian's, as if waiting for a confirmation. Christian gave him a slight nod of his head, such a small minute gesture that only Taylor would be attuned to catch. He shuffled off.

"This is goodbye." I muttered, lifting my hand to offer him a handshake.

Christian's eyes narrowed at the gesture and he looked intensely displeased. "Goodbye." He said, icily.

The ashes that were my heart further disintegrated at his word. Stowing my hand, I fought off the tears as I turned to leave. This was goodbye and yet, he would not even touch me. It was proof enough that I had scarred him too deeply. My touch no longer signified love but rather, torture on his side. I had just lost the one man I had ever loved.

Without warning, his arms fastened around me. A cross against my chest. I began to turn. "D-on't." He stuttered, crying. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried along with him. His chest against mine felt so right, his breath against my ear. Everything was perfect. But things had changed. We could no longer be the messed up couple who was deeply in love. He had changed that on his own.

It broke me further when I felt his tears meet the crook of my neck. I would have never thought a heard could shatter more than it already did, but my heart tore itself apart and vanished into thin air. It's beating lost with the blood sputtering in all directions as it disappeared.

"I'm s-or-ry, C-c-h-ristian." I forced the words past my heaving chest.

"No," He sobbed, "I am sorry, A-nastas-ia."

For the last time, he pressed his smooth and warm lips against my neck and lingered. I thought of all the times those lips had made me happy, the words that came out of them. I was going to lose all of that in this moment. "Goodbye." He said, his arms dropping to the side.

I heard him move and moments later, a door slammed. It was over. I sobbed. If this was right for me, then why did it all feel so wrong? My legs took on their own life, taking the steps as I made my way down. I had imagined leaving Christian to be somewhat liberating, but I could not even feel anything but torment.

"Oh, Ms Steele." Gail began to cry as I passed her.

Without stopping, I continued towards the lifts. I did not feel like talking to anyone. I did not feel like talking at all. All I wanted to do was to sit and wallow in this self-pity that was my lost of Christian Trevylyan-Grey. It was all over.

My head was drooped, but I made out Taylor's shoes on my left and Sawyer's shoes on my right as the elevator pinged. Dragging my feet just as Christian had done, I hauled myself into the elevator. I did not even make an effort to turn around. All I could do was face the elevator wall the way I had come in.

As the elevator descended, I found myself closer to my own personal hell.

**Okay! So what do you guys think? Review!**

**Goodbye; Avril Lavigne**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Back on my feet

**Author's Note! **

**Hey everyone! Here's just a quick update. Hope you enjoy it. Please review (:**

"Ana, sweetie." Kate cooed through the door for the thousandth time. "Won't you at least have something to eat?"

I turned my head back into my damp pillow, closing my eyes because they now stung. I simply had zero appetite to eat. All I wanted to do was to sit here and wallow in self-pity, stay as I was and never leave the room.

Kate sighed and I heard her walk away. I sighed and ravished the familiar comfort of my bed. It was only here that I felt safe; I would not have to face the world outside.

"Come on, Ana." She chanted once more. "I made Mac and cheese. I bet you can smell that."

I grunted into the pillow. It only made me even more depressed. Christian and I had adored Mac and Cheese together. I closed my eyes and found myself staring right into his beautiful grey eyes. It was calming, yet, depressing. I would never see those eyes again except for the newspapers or magazines he would appear on.

The thought nibbled at my heart and I sniffled. He would eventually appear on those forms of media with girls. Brunette girls with blue eyes that have replaced me. It would lead me on a stalker trail to determine if they were subs or if they were his actual girlfriends. I hated the thought all together. It was depressing.

_What if he turned up with Leila? My inner goddess threw a snowball of salt into my bleeding wound. _

I wished she would just shut the hell up. It was painful enough thinking of all the other girls. It was just going to be a truckload of raw emotions spilling onto the sidewalk if Leila was to be the one. The one that won Christian's heart.

It was stubborn. But like faith, it was hard to kill. The small part of me that craved Christian's arms around me, desiring for his touch against my skin. I had just seen him a few hours ago, but it felt like a millennium and a lifetime added together.

In a way, I felt sorry for myself. Here I was under a dark cloud over a guy I barely new for a month. Surely I was pathetic. Thank goodness I never started serious dating when I was younger. If I had, without a doubt, my grades would have suffered.

"You can't go in there!" I heard Kate snap, annoyed. My ears straightened up as the noise ensued. "You can't just do that."

Christian? I was groggy. But still able to draw the parallel between this and the past time Christian had barged in. There was a stubborn hope in me. After that, we had somewhat made up. Maybe… just maybe there was a glimmer of chance that we could still be together.

"I'm telling you, she wants to be alone!" Kate squealed.

My door creaked open and I jerked my head up to find Ethan in the doorway. "I don't care if it's some rule out of the girl handbook, Kate." Ethan growled at his sister, stepping in and then closing it after him.

His back was faced to me. Ethan. I sighed inwardly, a secret part wishing it would be Christian instead. With exaggerated slowness, Ethan turned and flashed me a wide smile, "Hey beautiful."

I blinked and the tears fell, but I forced a small smile. Ethan's smile faded, replaced with a sympathetic and apologetic grimace. "You're going to be alright, Ana." Ethan assured me, lowering himself onto my bed.

Allowing him to sit at the edge, I folded my legs to give him more room. He seized it, crossing his legs and facing me directly. He put a hand on my calve and stroked soothingly, "Don't shut me out, sweetheart."

I closed my eyes and leaned into my pillow a little more. I could care less about anything at the moment. All I wished to do was hide under my blanket and never come out.

My sorrow was interrupted by a soft humming sound. Ethan was singing quietly to himself, his palm still upon my calve. Interested, my ears sharpened to listen to the words he was saying. Ethan had a sweet singing voice, sexy like Jesse McCartney and smooth like Adam Levine's. But he was so soft.

"Hold on, little girl. Show me what he's done to you." I recognized the tune and the lyrics immediately. "Stand up, little girl, a broken heart can't be this bad."

That made me smile a little. When we were younger, I used to sing it in the shower. There were a couple of times when I stepped out and Ethan was listening. He had never agreed to sing for me in return.

"You're singing?" I piped up, rising from the croak in my throat.

Ethan stopped, chuckling in embarrassment. "Just thought it would be applicable."

"You've never done that before." I told him, watching as he looked away sheepishly.

"I can't sing." Ethan murmured.

"You can!" I was surprised at the energy in my voice.

Ethan broke into a cherubic beam, "There's my Ana!" He clapped his hands and reached for me, raising me from my bed.

I fell into his arms weakly, landing against his chest. "Hey there." I mumbled, smiling a little at his enthusiasm.

Ethan's arms snaked around my waist and pulled me in closer. "I'd sing to put a smile on your face anytime."

"Thanks, Ethan." I chimed, once again grateful for such a great companion.

He pressed his lips into the back of my head and we stayed like that for a long time. When my eyes began to flutter close from exhaustion, Ethan piped up. "Ana, sweetie." I tilted my head up so our eyes could meet, I was too spent to open my mouth and speak. "Would you like to take a trip with me? Just the two of us?" He asked, excited for his idea.

A trip with Ethan Kavanagh. My inner goddess thought it through and spread out her arms to signify freedom.

Freedom from this black hole of doom that I now found myself in. Seattle had turned out to be a bad idea. Christian was everywhere. I was going to have to resign. Even thinking about these things made me increasingly depressed.

"Yes." I whispered. A trip away with anyone would liberate me for just a while. I needed a breather, some time away from Seattle and all things Christian. A trip away with Ethan would be even better, someone I was more than comfortable with.

Ethan beamed and laughed, happy. "Washington. I was telling you I needed to go down and settle some University stuff. So I thought maybe you'd like to come!"

"That sounds great." I returned his smile, giving him a nod in encouragement. I had only visited Washington once when I was younger. This would be a good opportunity for me.

"I can't wait to take you to places!" Ethan's chest shook with excitement as he clasped me tighter. "Georgetown Cupcakes just opened in the city too, so I'm sure you'd love the cupcakes there."

I have heard of Georgetown Cupcakes. Kate and I used to spend eons watching DC cupcakes on the television all through university. We had originally planned to take a trip up to taste them for ourselves.

"How are we getting there?" I flashed him a smile, the best one I could.

Ethan laughed, "I was thinking car, a road trip would be-"

"Perfect." I finished for him. A plane ride would definitely be detected by Christian and it would not be as fun as driving up with Ethan.

"But I'm warning you, we'll be living in motels all over the place." Ethan chided at me as if I was a spoilt child.

I giggled. Even better. Hotels were not exactly on my desire list at the moment. Christian visited hotels on a constant basis. If he appeared at our motel, it would be clear that he was following me. But then again, I highly doubt he would come after me after such a horrid break up.

"Ones with huge cockroaches?" I said in mock horror.

Imitating my expression, Ethan nodded and threw his hands out like claws. "The biggest!" He dived, tickling my sides as I thrashed in a fit of giggles. "I'll protect you!" Catching his hands, I squeezed them and let them go.

"When do we leave?" I hummed, my words slurring as exhaustion invaded my system once more.

"When you wake up." He said. "I intended to leave tomorrow once I knew you were alright. But since you'll be coming with me, today will suit just fine."

That seemed to waken me slightly and I forced my eyes open, "I haven't packed! What time is it?"

"Sleep, sweetheart." He soothed, giving me a comforting smile. "Kate and I will pack, just get some rest."

Very gently, he helped me back under my covers and onto my pillow. I relaxed and drew comfort from the bed once more. Kissing my forehead, Ethan tucked me in and slowly vanished.

In my state, I heard the door click.

"She's coming with me to Washington." Ethan sounded vaguely proud.

"What? When do you two leave?" Kate did not sound too pleased, worried even.

"Late afternoon, could you help me pack?"

"Of course. But Ethan, this trip... Are you sure?"

"Even if he comes after her, she'll have me. Now." Ethan sighed, slightly irritated with either his sister's behaviour or the looming possibility of Christian's descend. "Will you help me pack?"

There was a pause. "I suppose a trip out of this town will do her some good. The luggage is in the cupboard." There was the sound of footsteps as I inched closer to sleep.

Kate opened my squeaky closet and I heard her ruffling through my clothes. "Thanks Ethan. Now, we're going to try and hide this trip from Christian."

"Yeah. Hence the road trip and motels." Ethan confirmed my suspicions.

"The man has eyes all over the place." They spoke in hushed tones.

"I like that orange dress." There was a smile in his voice.

"We'll do our best." Kate convinced him. "Yes, your eyes always sparkled when she wore this."

"It brings out her eyes, don't you think?"

"Ah, Ethan. I'm not the one in love with Ana. Here, fold these." The sleep washed over me like waves, pulling and sucking me into and under. "Take care of her, Ethan."

"I will."

I fell into slumber, knowing who my real friends were.

**Carolina Liar ; I'm not over **

**Skinny Love ; Birdy**

**Open Arms ; Journey**

**You and I both; Jason Mraz**

**Mr Big; To Be With You**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Highways and Motels

**Author's Note!**

**Hahaha hello readers. Don't be so worried about this story. Even though I've started another one about Christian and Ana, I will still be writing this one. Helloooo, I'm in love with the idea of Ethan and Ana. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this one :)**

I had my legs against the drawer area of the rental car. Ethan had decided that we could have a choice of flying home if we rented. The sun was setting and I tugged my cap lower down to shield eyes. Ethan thumped to the beat of M83's Midnight City, the best song on the Warm Bodies' sound track.

Ethan had thoughtfully downloaded Warm Bodies into his iPad to keep me preoccupied on the long trip. It would take us at least three days to get to DC. "Wanna stop for some..." Ethan peered out of the window, squinting his eyes to scan the upcoming shops along the road. "Starbucks?"

"Starbucks!" I chimed, then shot him a disapproving look. "If you keep stopping for me, we're never going to make it." Like the considerate gentleman he was, Ethan constantly pulled over and random gas stations and eateries. Just in case I needed to use the toilet or was hungry.

He laughed and winked at me, "Who says that's not part of the plan? We could just buy a house along the way and settle down."

My eyebrows rose and I gawked at him, smiling. "Never took you to be that kind of guy."

"Oh Ana, sweetheart." Ethan shook his head as he chuckled. "I'd go anywhere as long as you're there with me."

The blush rose in my cheeks and I cast my gaze out of the car. He always said these sweet things. Just as I did, Ethan halted at a Starbucks lot. "Ethan!"

"Don't pretend you'd turn down a latte right now, babe." Ethan poked me in the ribs, inducing laughter as I smacked his hand.

"Fine!" I rose my hands in surrender. "An iced green tea latte does sound brilliant."

Ethan winked at me playfully, "What can I say? I know what women want." He dove to open my door, "Just in case you beat me to it."

I giggled and waved him away, sliding out of the car. Heading into Starbucks, Ethan caught up with me and put his arm around my shoulder. I ravished in the warmth of another human being, more importantly, it was Ethan's. A few people looked up as we entered.

"How may I help you?" The charming and bouncy young blonde girl behind the counter asked.

Ethan gave her a broad smile, "Venti Mocha Frappe with Java Chip and a grande skinny iced green tea latte for the lady."

"Right away!" She practically winked at him and danced off.

I jabbed Ethan in the ribs, "She's totally into you!" I whispered under my breath as she returned.

"And... I need your name for the coffee?" Clearly, this was another way to get names. She seemed rather abashed, waving the pen in the air nervously.

Ethan deliberated a second too long. "He's Ethan Kavanagh. K-A-V-A-N-A-G-H." I said on his behalf, helping the poor girl along. Ethan punished me by slapping me across my ass. I yelped and rubbed, giggling as he paid the bill.

"You two make a great couple." She gushed, a tinge of envy in her voice.

I could not restrain the blush that colored my face. " Thank you." Ethan accepted the compliment, literally glowing.

" Ethan!" Another lady called, waving our drinks from the other end of the bar.

" Nice meeting you." Ethan said firmly, giving her a nod of his head as he guided me towards our drinks. As we retrieved them, I made a grab for the free magazines situated at the counter.

Ethan handed me my drink, "Toilet for the mademoiselle?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "We've had toilet breaks every fifteen minutes! I'm starting to think you don't ever want to reach DC."

He chortled insincerely, "I've told you to start looking for houses, sweetheart."

Sticking out my tongue at him, I marched towards the car. Ethan caught up with me and opened the doors. "The next stop will be Best Western alright?" I clarified with Ethan. He gave me a shrug and a playful wink.

As we made it back onto the highway, I began flipping through the magazines. Unfortunately, it was nothing like Seventeen. Instead or celebrity gossips and whatnots, it was one of those classy magazines that talked about formal things.

Rolex watches. Booming businesses in China. Economic trends. I froze at the page, my hand cold around plastic sheet as I stared into grey eyes. Peering right at me was Christian Grey himself, in an expensive tuxedo and that same grey tie...

"USA's hottest and richest bachelor, Christian Trevylan-Grey." The caption read. I clenched my jaw and shut the magazine. I did not even know what to think.

"What's the matter?" Ethan asked from behind the wheel, his eyes scanning me from head to toe.

I folded my arms and looked out the window, not wishing to talk to anybody at all. Christian Grey was running through my thoughts uncontrollably. Trillionaire CEO. I recalled our funny moments, the love we shared.

Everything seemed to remind me of him. Cars pointed out our trips in the Audi and my sub special. The sky reminded me vaguely of his beautiful eyes, clouded with brooding. The mere colour of the road...

"L. I. F. E. G. O. E. S. O. N." Ethan sang, swinging his body like a pendulum to the beat.

"What?" I directed my attention to him, watching in amusement as he tapped along to the beat. "I'm pretty sure you're mocking me."

"Me?" He feigned innocence. "I'm just singing a song!"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Sure you are!"

"Heyyyy, keep the PMS to yourself, sweetie." Now he was really teasing me.

"This isn't PMS!" I was exasperated. I reached for the magazine and turned the spread for him. "Look!"

Ethan's face soured and he sighed. "You have to get over him, love."

"Normal break-ups I can deal with. Not when your ex is forever across magazine spreads or maybe on The television!" I pressed my ears closed with my palms, feeling like my world just got a whole lot smaller. "He's everywhere and I can't shake him off my mind!"

Warm skin clasped itself around my wrist and jerked gently, pulling my hand off my ear. "Ana, it doesn't matter who he is. You're strong enough to move on."

"But what if I'm not?" I snapped. "What if all there is to me is Christian?"

"Then I'd feel sorry for you." Ethan's words surprised me, not exactly on the kind frequency. "Letting yourself rot over someone you barely know."

"What?" I whimpered.

Ethan shrugged nonchalantly. "You were strong enough to leave him, so you'll be strong enough to move on. You cut it off before it got too deep."

Was that what Christian and I was? A shallow relationship? That did not sound like it at all... He had let me into his dark world and I had let him into mine, literally. I closed my eyes and leaned back into the headrest. My thoughts revolved around Christian… I found myself wondering what he was doing at the moment.

I imagined him in his tower, overseeing the Seattle world in his mighty oyster. He would be strong and he would move on. Christian Grey was never one to trip over anything. He got anything and everything he wanted. The trillionaire CEO was king of his world.

**CPOV**

I am the king of my world. The king of the world even. I look at the time. It's noon and I am still in bed. As relaxed as I am, I tuck both my hands behind my head and stare up at the ceiling. With no doubt, I had enough money to do this for the rest of my life.

"Sir." Taylor's voice resounded from my bedroom door. "Grace would like to see you."

Hell. I cursed myself. If there was somebody who would kick me in the ass for slacking off, it would be my own mother. I could imagine Grace in all her glory waiting for me in the dining room, she must have brought along a truckload of reprimands and questions.

Before I knew it, my bedroom door was thrown open. "Christian Trevylan-Grey!" Grace scolded as she stepped in uninvited.

The light from the outside world was too bright for my eyes, I threw my arm over my eyes. "What Grace? What do you want?" I groaned.

I felt her lower herself down onto my bed, "Oh darling, I'm so sorry."

That seemed to grab my attention. Just as she pulled me into her motherly embrace, I opened my eyes to watch her begin to hold me. Grace was holding me? My heart thumped unevenly. Only Ana held me like this… what gave her the nerve?!

"Christian." Grace cooed, "You're going to be alright."

"Of course I'm alright!" I snapped.

"My poor baby." She soothed, her hands stroking my head. The whole scene felt… so… nice. I leaned into my mother's hold and snuggled up into her, curling my feet under me. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I began to draw comfort from her embrace.

"Mom, she left me." Was all I could whisper before the event that had occurred three days ago stabbed me in the heart once more. The memory of the love of my life telling me she could no longer look at me… I was breathless as the pain returned.

Grace's fingers in my hair were a source of comfort, I lavished in them as the tears began to spill over my eyelids. "She just needs some space, sweetheart."

"Space?" I whined. "No mom, it's over. She's gone." Why else would I lock myself in my bedroom for the past three days? I would only allow Gail to come in and out with my daily meals, other than that, I was to stay put in my room.

Grace pulled back from me to stare at me in shock, "What happened to my confident son?" Her eyebrows furrowed. "The son I raised is a fighter! He never gave up."

"It's not a choice mom, she's gone!" I was exasperated, beginning to recline from Grace.

She sighed loudly and folded her arms across her chest. "Enough of 'she's gone'. Because she's not. She's still alive, isn't she?" I nodded. "Then she's not truly gone."

"She doesn't want me anymore." I whimpered, like a dog with a broken paw. "She doesn't."

"Christian… how did you become like this?" Grace was worried for once.

I was broken. There was nothing in the world that could motivate me to get out of bed at the moment. Ana was gone and so was my world. Even if she was still alive, her rejection was enough to prove that she was gone from my world. She would exist in the world, just not mine.

"Sweet child, you can't just give up like this." Grace scolded. "That girl is the only girl for you, Christian. I don't want any other daughter-in-law except her and you're telling me that you're giving up?"

"You don't know what I did, mom." I was suddenly very depressed. If my infidelity had not materialized, I would be chasing Anastasia Steele right this moment. Unfortunately, I had cheated on the love of my life and that was a full stop.

"Of course I know." But how? "Kate and Elliot told me, that's why I'm here."

Leave it to my elder brother and his annoying little girlfriend to spread the news faster than any magazine or newspaper could. "So you'll know how hopeless this all is. The battle is lost."

"I've told you, dear child." Grace nuzzled the back of my head lovingly. "It's not completely lost if she's alive and breathing."

I desired to have her back in my arms, back in Escala with me. I would never let her go again, never ever. I intended to marry Anastasia Steele and settle down. The inner hunger to change 'Steele' to 'Grey' within me growled. But I was now barricaded by my infidelity.

Regret had eaten me from the inside out the moment I had been in Leila. It felt so wrong, it was wrong. Leila was not Ana, she could never be. Even through my courtship with Ana, I struggled with the inner desire for someone more… submissive. But the moment I had a taste of that with Leila, everything changed. I was now aware that animalistic sex was nothing compared to the sweet love-making I could have with Ana.

In all its ugliness, there was a plus side to my infidelity. That was that my love and loyalty to Ana was now stronger than ever. Unfortunately, she was not going to be around to have a taste of my newfound love for her. She had upped and left, just as I had imagined from day one.

I was undeserving of love. Especially the pure, innocent, overwhelming love of Anastasia Steele. I closed my eyes and found myself staring into her beautiful blue eyes. They reminded me of the vast blue ocean that stretched for miles. The same one the crack whore had taken me to when I was little. They had a soothing factor, a warming charm within them that told me I was safe.

I could hear her laughter ringing in my ears. The bright chime of her laugh accompanied by the mind-blowing smile she would have whenever I teased her. With Ana, I was in a state of bliss and happiness. Her happiness translated into my happiness.

My thoughts were interrupted by her tears, the salt water streaming down her cheeks as she had stepped away from me. The realization had hit me that I could no longer make her smile and laugh the way I did. The wound I had left in her was far too deep than anything could heal.

"Christian, you've got to try." Grace whispered. "If you don't try, you'll never know."

Grace was right. The wound I had created in her could only be healed by me. I had hurt her, the love of my life, and the only way out was to love her to the ends of the world and back. She deserved my love, even if she did not want it.

A seed of determination sprouted within me. "Taylor!" I called and the man stepped into the bedroom.

"Yes, Mr. Grey." He said, a spark of joy in his eyes having seen me for the first time in three days.

I sat up on my knees and gave him a curt nod. "Find me Ana's location."

**PLEASEEEE REVIEWWWW AND FAVOURITEEEE SO I KNOW TO CONTINUE.**

**L. I. F. E.G. O. E. S. O. N. ; Island Def Jam**

**Mr Brightside; The Killers**

**Better Together; Jack Johnson**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Empty hold

"There you go," The receptionist lifted our key card with a funny enthusiasm. "One bedroom, enjoy your stay!"

"Thank you, miss." Ethan gave her a curt nod as he took the key. Turning, he pressed a palm on the small of my back and guided me towards the lift lobby.

"Emily totally was hitting on you." I sneered at him having picked up the receptionist's name. I could bet that the next time we came down, she would have popped the top two buttons on her blouse to reveal some cleavage.

Ethan ignored my comment. Of course, he was probably used to the women swooning around him. I had to deal with this when I was Christian, but I had never have to deal with it around Ethan. Maybe because I had never taken notice of Ethan properly.

Ethan being Ethan, he had to pull both our luggage trolleys to prove his manhood. Even though I had tried to point out that there was little effort needed to pull any kind of trolley, especially mine.

It was a chilly night. I rubbed my nose against the back of my index finger, Ethan's windbreaker sleeve making a noise against my skin as I did. "You cold, love?" Ethan asked gently, pulling me into the side as we rose in the elevator.

Reflexively, I wrapped my arms around his waist and drew in his warmth. Four days and three nights with Ethan had only benefitted our relationship. As usual, Ethan was a breath of fresh air. I love being with him. We had our moments…

_"Can I have one?" I mustered my most convincing pout as I pointed at the little puppy in the basket. It was an adorable puppy, it's skin as white as snows and it's eyes the colour of the stormy clouds. _

_Ethan crossed his arms like an irritated parent, "You're not old enough to have a puppy, Ana." I intensified my pout,pointing at the puppy as it looked up expectantly at the both of us. "The answer's still no." _

_"Why not?" I whined like a little kid, tugging at his coat. _

_"Whatever would we do with a dog in the middle of our road trip?" Ethan pursed his lips at the thought. "Best Western does not allow pets, Ana." _

_It made me slip into my frown further, my eyebrows furrowing in sadness. Even though I knew he would never buy me a dog, it was still vaguely fun to behave in this way. Ethan himself was having a blast, which confused the pet shop owner greatly. _

_"Come on, baby." Ethan looped his arm around my shoulder snugly, tucking me under his chin. "Let's get back in the car." And so I did, leaving my grey-eyed puppy behind. _

We opened the door to a beautiful room. At first, my treacherous mind would not cease in comparing Christian's luxury suites to these mere commoner rooms. But truth was, as appealing as living like a Queen was, being with Ethan compensated for that. Besides, Ethan had insisted in paying for all these lodgings himself, I would not be ungrateful.

"This room's prettier than the previous one." I told Ethan as he propped our luggages up on the stand.

With a sneaky smile, he winked at me and leaped onto the king-sized bed. "Since this is our last night on the road... I don't think you'll be getting much sleep tonight."

"It's actually shocked me that you've been behaving the past few nights," I teased and winked back at him, "I wasn't too sure about sharing a bed with you."

Throwing on a mock cowboy accent, Ethan rolled over and tipped back his imaginary hat. "Well ma'am, it's tiring steering mah ole steed."

I laughed and nodded, "That's what you get for being so stubborn." I would have driven if he let me. Ethan had insisted once again. "Now, I'd like to change into something more comfortable." Turning, I began opening my luggage.

Ethan lay on the bed, quite and deliberating, as I flipped through all my clothes and sorted. Kate had packed all the prettiest dresses and paired sets of clothing's for me. It was easy to decide what to wear.

"You should wear one of…" Ethan's voice was suddenly behind me. "THESE!" He squealed like a little girl, snatching out the red lingerie that Kate had hidden in my clothes.

Embarrassed, I tried to take them back. "ETHAN!" I hollered, jumping for the see-through fabric as he lifted it into the air far above my reach. He was chortling uncontrollably. I was going to kill Kate.

"Come on, Steele!" He begged, "Put it on!"

"Ethan Kavanagh," I crossed my arms sternly like he had done yesterday, "If you like it so much, why don't you put it on!"

A playful smirk danced across his lips, "Challenge accepted."

Just as he was distracted, I grabbed the fabric from his hands and tossed it towards the toilet. "I want to change!"

"Then change!" He blustered, sitting back onto the bed as if waiting for a show.

"Hi-lar-ious." I narrowed my eyes at him. Just as I had taught myself when I was little, I shimmered into the dress with my shirt and shorts still on. With much grace, I slid my shirt down my body along with my shorts.

"Hey! That's cheating." Ethan scolded, "I want my money back!' He laughed carelessly, his eyes caressing every inch of my body as he spoke.

"If you behave, I'll let you try on that skanky piece of fabric."

He gave me a full-blown pout, reaching out from the bed for my hand. I laced my fingers with his and he brought the back of my palm to his lips. "I've got an idea," his eyes glimmered, "put on your coat, let's go out for dinner."

"What? No room service?" I said sarcastically, directing my accusation at Ethan's obsession with room service.

"Oh quit teasing." Ethan groaned playfully, leaping off the bed and hauling me out of the room in one quick stroke.

**CPOV:**

The anger rose through my blood system, tainting every inch of me to the point that it bubbled into my vision. I hated myself to the core of the earth and back. While I was brooding in my own little bubble, I had allowed and practically encouraged the bastard.

My jaws clenched as I watched the footage that Welch had managed to secure for me. Surely, the bastard could afford a plane ticket for two. Why the fu** would the son of a bi*ch choose to take my girl across the United States of America in a death trap of a vehicle?

I could not bring myself to watch anymore, slamming the macbook air shut and tossing it to the other side of the car.

"Sir?" Taylor raised an eyebrow and I caught it through the mirror.

The only words I could manage through gritted teeth were, "Just drive."

Instantly, my hands flew to cover my face. I pressed my palms against my cheeks and closed my eyes, trying to relax and draw any bit of relaxation I could. The fact was I had let Ethan slip away with Ana. I had watched her laugh when he spoke, chiming her little giggle that once was _mine_.

I was in every way superior to Ethan Kavanagh. All except the one that truly mattered. I was inferior when it came to Ana. Every inch of me envied him. Most recently, Ana had said she could not even stand the sight of me. But here she was prancing about happily with Ethan, she surely had no problem looking him in the face and smiling.

_Ugh._ I hate this jealousy. I have never felt this way. It feels as if little hot red ants are filling me up to the brim, gnawing me from the inside out. I swear I was hollow, a large part of me desiring to never feel again.

"Sir, we're here."

Perfect. Opening the door before Sawyer could, I jumped out and stalked towards the motel. My Ana was a princess and should be treated like one. I judged the place with utmost disgust. Ana deserved the absolute best and this certainly was not it. Unfortunately, Ana was not in it for the money, if not, she would have been mine by now.

The blonde receptionist perked up on my arrival. I watched as her jaw dropped dramatically and she straightened up, tugging at her blouse that was already too low for my liking.

"G-g-g-ood d-d-d-d-ay, sir." She stammered, nervous.

I rolled my eyes. _It's just a face. _"I'm looking for a Kavanagh."

"Kavanagh?" She sounded breathless, with no doubt, her imaginations running through her head already.

The only person I wanted breathless and on the floor right now was Ana. But if Ethan wanted a good beating, he would do too. "Yes, a Mr. Kavanagh that checked in an hour ago."

She gulped, clearly remembering him. "You're a friend?"

Friend? No, we were bloody love rivals and at the moment he had the upper hand. "Of course, he asked me to pick up something from his room. What's the number again?"

Her nametag flashed Emily. The poor girl looked petrified, knowing full well that disclosing customer information was against all ethics. I believe she needed a little push. Tilting my head lower ever so slightly, I looked up at her through my lusciously long eyelashes. I watched as her eyes widened, clearly affected. "Emily," I let my eyes smolder, "I'm in a rush."

"307." She whispered.

"Thank you, pumpkin." Sweetheart was solely reserved for Ana.

Striding towards the lift lobby, Taylor and Sawyer stepped to flank me. I narrowed my eyes at the men who had their chests squared, clearly preparing themselves to break up a fight. They were right, I was going to wrap my hands around his little neck and squeeze.

By now he would have tried to kiss my Ana again. My inner demons were already torturing me with the fact that he had tasted her sweet lips once, twice, I had no idea how many times before. Those lips were _mine. _Christian Grey did _not_ share. My blood boiled. I will win Ana back. I had to.

Standing outside from 307, I mentally armed myself for the battle I was about to fight. My body tensed, all muscles flexing to size myself up compared to the little punk. Unfortunately, if he was anything like his sister, I was really in for hell.

"Sir."

"WHAT." I hissed, annoyed that Sawyer would interrupt my thought process.

"The key." He lifted the card and placed it in my waiting palm.

"Right, thank you." I mouthed a sorry to the floor where he could not see.

Gripping the card tightly in my hand, I pumped myself up to win this battle. Anastasia Rose Steele was the only one for me and despite all the wrong I had committed against my little white lamb, it only made me want to set things right even more. I had to win her heart and treasure it.

Reflexively, I swiped the card and watched the strip of the handle turn green. I was clear to go. With the same hand, I jammed the door handle down and stepped into the room. It was… empty.

"WHERE ARE THEY?" I snapped, baring my teeth at my men. Had that Emily given me the wrong room? They had just checked in about an hour ago. Surely, they would just be settling in by now.

Scanning the room, my eyes fell onto the luggage. I grimaced at the telltale teddy bear key chain on Ana's luggage. This was her room. I stepped in further and my jaw fell, jealously replacing the anger within my veins. Even though the master bed was enough to induce my anger, it was the slim red fabric across it that threw me over the edge.

"WHERE THE F*** ARE THEY?!" I hollered, throwing the card against the floor.

**APOV:**

I could get used to this. The warmth Ethan and I shared as we held hands and strolled across the roadside. It was a familiar comfort, one that had been there for me for the longest of times. It was easy to fall into the ease of something like this, something so safe, trusting and secure. Even in the silence, there was something unspoken that was felt.

I tilted my head to the side, observing as Ethan's eyes were transfixed on the bright and round move above. His beautiful eyes reflected the white directly, glistening with the mysterious factor the moon possessed. Just like Kate, Ethan had been there to pick me up whenever I fell.

Ethan's face broke into a gently cherubic smile as I watched him think of something. "Ana." He said, my name sliding off his lips. His eyes remained on the white globe above.

"Ethan," I said back, resisting the gurgle of laughter that was going to escape my lips.

"Do you remember the first time I met you?"

"Of course I do." I chimed, "I thought you were Kate's boyfriend."

He chuckled, his chest rising and falling. "Yeah and I thought you were Kate's girlfriend."

I shook my head at him, still in disbelief. "The heart believes what it wants to believe and you boys…" I shook my head harder, "Have a thing for girl on girl action."

Ethan's eyes fell upon me, an electric shock striking me as he caught me staring. Quickly, I looked away, the colour rising in my cheeks. "Quite the contrary, I was pretty upset when I thought you were curvy."

"Curvy?"

"Not straight." He shrugged, explaining his own terminology. "I remembered thinking 'what a beautiful girl'." Before the world could swallow me up to hide my blush, he had to continue. "'How I wish she were mine.'"

"Your girlfriend must have thought that pretty funny." I tried to divert the attention.

"Please. We both know I was focused on my academics then, there was no time for chicks." Ethan squeezed my hand.

"Yes, you were a nerd." I laughed.

In that moment, I realized how similar Ethan and I were on so many different levels. For one, we had both evaded love for the past few years of our lives under the focus of academics. Being with Christian had been an adrenaline rush, but maybe what I really need was someone that reassured me.

A breeze blew past us, brushing my cheeks and chilling them, sending an involuntary shiver up my spine. I flinched. Ethan let go of my hand and I looked up at him. Instantly, he wrapped his arm around me like a shield against the wind, drawing me close under his wing. He had let me wear his jacket, yet, he was bearing the cold for me.

_Someone like Ethan._

**The blower's daughter; Damien Rice**

**Empty; Click 5**

**You were meant for me; Jewel**

**Good Day; Click 5**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Stubbornly in Love

**Author's Note!**

**Hello everyone. I'm having national competitions now and am studying for my SATs, so I'll be less able to update. But do continue to support through reviewing, favourites and following. It's very encouraging. Yup. Unfortunately, I'm finding it very difficult to put Ana and Ethan together in the end. I know it's supposed to be an A/E fanfic.. But... GAH! **

"If you ever had a chance to be whatever you want, what would you be?" I asked as we walked into the lobby of Best Western.

Ethan's eyes sparkled as he gave it a long and hard thought. "I'm not sure... What would you be?"

I laughed and shook my head at him, taking my place in the lift. "I asked first."

Ethan pursed his lips in deep thought and thumped his thigh as his eyes looked up for inspiration. "I think..." He started. "I'd be a tree."

"A tree?" I gasped. "What lowly aspirations!" I teased. Ethan pouted and I laughed harder, leaning in to wrap my arms around his waist from the side. I buried myself into his bicep and felt his right arm loop around my waist. "Why a tree?"

The lift opened at our floor and we shuffled out in our position. Ethan pressed me deeper into his side as he bent to reach the room card. Swiping it, he opened the door, "So that no matter where you go, you'd know exactly where to find me."

I smiled up at Ethan as we stumbled into the room. He had thought about me even in the life he would want to have. "I don't think I'd ever leave you."

Ethan opened his mouth to answer. "I don't think you'll have a choice." My eyebrows furrowed and so did Ethan's. We both looked at each other, the voice had not matched his lips... Neither had they been his.

My world must have halted in that moment. The earth failing to rotate about its axis as Ethan and I swiveled every so slowly to face the dark presence that had invaded our room. Christian was sitting at the far end, seizing our little chair by the table. Of course, he as flanked by Taylor and Luke.

His expression was completely unreadable. Christian had his eyes cast downwards and his hands fastened under his chin like an anchor to steady his head. I could almost feel his anger radiate from him. Heck, it was suffocating. Luke and Taylor had their eyes fixed on the ceiling, as if desiring not to be here. Who would?

Ethan cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets, "Christian?" He gave me a frustrated look and a callous shrug as if it was anticipated.

I sighed inwardly. Ethan was right, this really was anticipated. It would not be difficult for a trillionaire to track down someone like me. Deep down, I knew that if he had the will, he would have a way. Clearly, Christian would not let go me that easily. We loved each other and it was going to take some time for the both of us to move on.

Being with Ethan was great. But I could not just completely banish my feelings for Christian. They still existed and took up majority of my heart. In other words, they were keeping everything Ethan out. Even knowing what Christian had done to me, standing in close proximity to him beckoned for me to forgive and forget. If I did, I could be back in his arms once and for all.

"Christian." I said, uncertain of how he would react. My heart thumped noisily against my rib cage as my ex boyfriend's grey eyes met mine. They were scalding and I gasped.

Ethan reached for my hand and took it. "GET. YOUR. FU*KING. HANDS. OFF. HER!" Christian seethed, leaping to his feet and gnashing his teeth again.

Mimicking a gate, Taylor and Luke swung across Christian and after as a barrier between him and Ethan. In response to the threat, Ethan gently led me behind his body for protection. That seemed to anger Christian more and he fought against his guards, spewing vulgarities as if they were the only words he knew.

This would not do. "Ethan," I said softly. He tilted his head towards me but his eyes remained on Christian. "Can I talk to him?"

He thought about it for a moment and pursed his lips at the idea. "Ana, I have no right to say no. You don't need my approval to do anything."

"Yeah, but you know he wouldn't hurt me." I tried to convince him that I would be safe.

Ethan nodded at me, "I know he wouldn't."

Christian relaxed and fell back into his seat. He folded his arms across his chest crossly, clenching his jaw tightly once more. I gave the three men a half-hearted smile, "Would you all excuse us for a moment?"

Luke and Taylor exchanged a look that was more of a silent discussion. "Of course, Ms Steele." Taylor nodded at me as he led the way for Luke and Ethan to leave.

Ethan lingered at the door for a second and smiled at me, "Call if you need me."

Silence filled the room as I stood there awkwardly with Christian brooding in his chair. Neither of us made a move for the other and neither of us said a word. So this was how our relationship was going to be. Sadness spread across me and I felt overwhelmed, stumbling down onto the bed to find support.

Watching my the weakness take me, Christian snapped out of his brooding, "Ana?" He was worried, just as he always was.

I rubbed my temples for a while, chasing away the impending headache. I had spent the past few days trying to push out everything Christian but now with him here, it was all flooding back. I missed him.

The mattress beside me slunk a little as Christian took the spot beside me, "Are you feeling alright? Do you need a doctor?"

"No, no." I tried to inject more life into my words, "I'll be alright... Just a little tired."

He scoffed, the concern dying out just as quickly as it had blossomed. I lifted my head the question his change of heart. Christian was smirking sourly. "What?" I demanded.

Christian clenched his jaw.

"What is it, Grey." I snapped, in no mood for this round the bush attitude.

Wordlessly, he picked the red lingerie off the floor and dangled it in front of me. My cheeks burned red as I snatched it out of his grasp and chucked it under my thigh. Christian looked wounded at my actions, as if I had just confirmed his darkest nightmare.

My fidelity was of utmost importance to him. "Christian," I called which he ignored. "Christian, Ethan and I never had sex."

"I beg to differ." He spat, gesturing to my thigh. The familiar anger taking the stage by storm.

I sighed. "We didn't. Whether you believe it or not. And it doesn't matter, Christian. Because I'm a single woman." Even when I said it, I did not wish it was true. A large part of me wanted to belong to him again, willing for time to reverse and for the mistake he made to be undone.

Christian sighed and put his face in between his palms and grunted, trying to restrain himself. My words had tortured him and it hurt me just as much as he was hurting.

"Ch-" I started. My hand lingering just above his head, desiring to cradle my small lost boy.

"I love you, Anastasia." He whimpered into his hands. My heart stopped beating. "When you left it was like my world just darkened. I did not want to live anymore. I simply had no desire too."

The moment was too intense. In a satirical tone, I tried to lighten it, "That's a little melodramatic don't you think? We barely knew each other."

Instantly, his head whipped up and his grey eyes stole my breath like a thief once more. "It's true. I didn't eat or sleep or come out of my bedroom until Grace hauled me out."

"Christian, you can't take things out on your body!" I scolded, shaking my head at him.

"I certainly won't take them out on you." He whispered, alluding to his dominant side.

"I don't want you hurting yourself." I told him gently, placing my hand on his shoulder blade.

Christian's eyes paused to observe our contact, "I don't want to hurt you." He closed his eyes and screwed his jaw shut once more. "But I did and I'm sorry."

With each sorry, the gaping wound that was my heart sewed itself back together. It rebooted and began at tuning itself to Christian's heartbeat, linking us together as one. I could not suppress my innate desire to love Christian, this broken man. My broken man.

With no warning, he fell to his knees in front of me. His face was downcast, not locking with my gaze anymore. "Christian?" I reached for his face, trying to lift it up so I could see what was wrong.

"Forgive me, Ana." I heard him say just as my fingers were met with moisture.

He was crying. My heart broke for him and my own eyes began to water. The last time we had cried together was when I had left him. But here he was again, crying for me. I had made him cry. I had the ability and worth in Christian's heart that could evoke such emotion. The same ability his biological mother had.

"Please, Ana." He sobbed, "I tried to live without you but I can't. All I hear is your goodbyes when I want to hear that you love me and you want to stay with me. I just feel so... Lost."

It was then that I dropped to my knees before him, gently raising his face to meet mine. His eyes were red and glistening with fresh tears, streams meeting at the palms of my hands as I cradled his face. My own view began to fog.

"I know I'm selfish." He pouted subconsciously. "But I need you. I need you, Ana. I'll do anything to have you back. You mean more than the world to me, you are my world."

His words were enough to set the spark to the passion that I had been building for him the past few days. All the time had cultivated longing for him. Especially in the times when I thought I would never see him again. Those were the hardest moments, where my fingers lingered over his contact on my phone. Times when Ethan was in the shower or in the toilet of the rest stops.

The love we had was real and it was stubborn, it was not going to give up without a fight. "Christian, please don't cry." I said just as my own tears spilled over my cheeks.

Lovingly, his fingers brushed across my tears. "Ana, don't cry. It hurts me so much to see you cry over me."

The many times I had done so was when I was uncertain of his love for me. But this time I was crying because I was completely sure of his undying love for me.

"I'm sorry baby, please don't cry." Christian begged, crushing me into his chest.

I gave myself over to him willingly, falling into the familiar embrace and sniffling hard to breathe in his scent. I missed his scent. I missed Christian Grey. "I do love you, Christian."

"Then come home with me." He beckoned, his words finding their way into my heart and nestling into it.

The hope blossomed and I nodded against his chest. My days of wandering were over. I was to return with the love of my life. It was the only way I knew I could survive. "Yes, take me home."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Tug of Love

**Author's Note!**

**Hey lovelies, as I am unable to update this story all the time, please also read the other story that I'm writing. Yup, so you wouldn't have to wait too long!**

Christian handed my luggage over to Taylor as we stepped out of the hotel room. Ethan was leaning with his shoe against the wall opposite, watching my luggage move out from our room. In response, his lips pulled up into a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

_Of course, bitch. My inner goddess shook her head at me, close to flipping me off. You pretty much just jumped from boy to boy. _

"Christian," I said softly as he ringed his arm around my waist to lead me off. "Go first, would you?"

Puzzlement shook his eyes and a hint of insecurity but then Ethan straightened up. Christian nodded at me, leaning in to plant me a kiss on my cheek, "I'll be waiting." The men exchanged a rather tense and filled expression before Christian strutted into the elevator after his men.

I licked my lips, preparing to say something to lessen the blow. My heart had already settled on Christian, I had to leave Ethan regardless of the amazing time we had spent together.

"Before you say anything, Ana." Ethan had annihilated any hint concern and took on a irritated tone. "I have no right to tell you not to go."

I bit down on my lip as the guilt crept into my system. Ethan had been there to catch me all this time, to make me laugh when I thought I would never smile again. He had been all I needed... When Christian was not. I hated myself for feeling this way, for treating him this way.

Out of no where, a fierce emotion saturated his blue eyes. Ethan took a confident step forward as he reached for my hands, clasping them in both of his. "But I still have a chance at asking you to stay."

My heart pounded in my chest as our eyes fenced against each other, the warmth of his hands so familiar and safe. I knew I was secure whenever I was with Ethan. "Ana, I know that you want to leave with Christian. It's not like I hadn't thought about it or anticipated it, because I know you love him."

I nodded, a part of me begging Ethan to stop talking. I knew what was coming up next. I knew what he was about to say. There would be nothing within me to deny it.

Ethan smiled at me softly, "But deep down in that beautiful heart of yours, Ana Steele." He was going to stay it. I closed my eyes as his words grazed my ears. "You know you love me too."

I did. Squeezing my eyes tightly together, I begged for my emotions to just choose one. Christian or Ethan. It could not be both. I tried to focus on Christian and all we had done together, but the emotions that Ethan had cultivated within me over years fought back.

"We're good as friends, Ana, without a doubt. But, hey. Look at me." I opened my eyes to a sea of stormy blue, the love within them boundless. "We're perfect as lovers."

The most I could do was stare wide-eyed at Ethan. My brain jammed, uncertain which memory reel to play; Christian's or Ethan's?

"Think about it, Ana." Ethan soothed, his thumb stroking the back of my palm. "We've been there for each other for so long that even now, you find comfort in me no matter in how bad a shape you are."

His words coaxed my memories of him out from the sea in my brain. There were many things to remember, too many to recall right in this moment. When Kate and I had gotten into such an awful right that I thought we would never be fixed, Ethan had been there to talk me through and rebuild the friendship. I could still remember him braiding my hair as he asked me to list all my achievements, it had taken my mind off failing Freshmen year.

Ethan was like my pit stop and I was the Formula One racing car. No matter how far and fast I went, I would eventually need to come back to him to be refueled, cleaned and strengthened. Even the time when I would win championships, he was an essential factor.

I refocused into the glorious eyes of my Saviour,"I'm not asking you to decide right now, I'd never force you Ana." Ethan smiled at me to emphasize his point. "I'm just asking you to think about it."

I was. There was a period in my life that I had had feelings for Ethan. Who wouldn't? Any girl would have fallen for her male best friend at one point in time or another. Ethan was a likeable young man and I was not the only one who thought so.

"But in order for you to think, sweetheart." Ethan stepped closer and his hand slowly lifted to cradle my face. "You have to give yourself some space from others."

"To.. Stay...with you?" My voice found its way out of the boundless paralysis I had been dropped in.

"I know it's selfish to ask you to stay with me, but I've got to fight for who I want." Ethan was sincere, his eyes blazing with passion and determination. "I have to protect the one I love, I can't ever let anybody hurt you again."

My heart was melting. "But..."

"Ana, if you don't want to stay, you can go. I have no power over you and neither do I wish to have any. I'm just a man helplessly in love with a Wonder Woman and if she doesn't return my sentiments, it's okay."

Christian and Ethan. How on earth did I find myself in this position?

_My inner goddess sneered at me. How on earth did you get them both chasing after you? _

I did not deserve this. Any of this. But the fact that I did, I had to do this right. It was like one of those teenage movies with cliche story lines. The female protagonist goes out with a whole string of men only to realize the one for her had been right there under her nose in the first place. I could see it happening with Ethan...

But what about Christian? My broken and lost boy. His crumpled face resurface in my mind and it made my heart squeeze. Even though we had our rough times, we had had out good times too...

But then again, after what he had done with Leila... I did not know if I would ever be able to forgive and forget. Now it was all suffering and torture in our broken relationship, pummeled with insecurities and guilt. Did I love him?

_Do you love Ethan? My inner goddess chimed another question at me. _

Ethan and Christian. I sighed inwardly as Ethan paused, thoughtfully providing me time to think. Christian was that mysterious wheeling stranger that swept me off my feet and then broken my heart. Ethan had worked his way into my heart and he had always treated me like a precious jewel, to be cradled and kept safe.

"Why did you not tell me how you felt earlier?" I whispered.

My inner goddess rolled her eyes at me. You're pushing the blame onto the one who has preserved your heart.

"Fair question." Ethan stated. "I was working up the courage to ask you out."

My cheeks flamed up as I looked away, "For this long?"

"I was going to ask you to be mine when I came back." He was dead serious. "But as we both know, you were otherwise preoccupied..." I pursed my lips at the reference. "So I stood back and let you live. But time after time," his thumb stroked my cheek softly, "You got hurt. The more you got hurt, Ana, the more I could not stand there and watch."

I was dumbfounded. I had always imagined Ethan's care and concern to be only on the friendly level. But apparently I was wrong. I hated myself, but I loved the feel of his skin against mine.

"I know I'm not much." Ethan shook his head at me. "I can't ever live up to Christian, Ana. He's always going to be able to give you more than I ever will."

"That's not true, Ethan." I laced my fingers through his in a moment of confidence. "You have given me so much already."

"I'll never be able to buy you things, Ana. All these diamonds from Cartier, cars from Audi, bags from Chanel, food from Hell's Kitchen. Even though you deserve it."

"It doesn't matter." I heard myself say.

"I can only offer you my heart and my love," My heart pounded as he closed the gap slightly more. "I can only promise to keep you smiling, to give you my all as we build a family from the ground up."

I found myself smiling at him. "That's all I'll ever need."

The lift pinged and out stepped Taylor. He took a moment to gawk at us and then repositioned himself to a facade of professionalism. "Ms Steele, Mr Grey is waiting in the car."

I glanced at Ethan and he nodded at me. "It's your choice, sweetheart."

As gently as I could, I let his hand go and took a step away from him. Ethan's hand on my face fell from my cheek as he fought back a powerful emotion. Slowly, I strolled towards Taylor and away from Ethan. The atmosphere was intense but not suffocating, it was a good atmosphere.

Looking back, I watched as Ethan stuffed his hands into his jeans, the look on his face defeated. "Taylor," I said. "Could I have my luggage back?" Ethan's head snapped up and he raised his eyebrows in shock.

"Ms Steele..?" Taylor was puzzled.

I refocused on Taylor and offered him a sorry smile. "Please tell Christian that I'm on a road trip with Ethan and will be unavailable."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." I nodded at him. "There's no where else I need to be but here."

"Right away, Ms Steele." He conceded, turning to vanish down the lift.

Smiling, I turned to face Ethan. I could not wait to see the look on his face that would replace the disappointment earlier. Immediately, even before I had finished turning, Ethan's palms cradled the side of my face.

Framing it, his eyes were flowing with happiness and joy. I was momentarily awestruck at the intensity. "I will fight to win your heart over." He promised, bringing his lips to mine.

**CPOV: **

I was ecstatic. Leaning against the leather car seat, I stared out of the window in anticipation. My Ana was coming home with me. I had lay my heart down for her to see and judge herself and she has decided to give me one more shot.

Luke was in a good mood as well, tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel in happiness. Of course he would be. Ana and him had a pretty strong bond, enough to make me jealous at times. But who cares, her heart belongs to me and not to him.

**LPOV:**

Ana Steele. Ana Steele. Ana Steele!

**CPOV:**

Ana has realized that I was the one for her. That was good. These past few weeks, I had been thinking about securing her to me for eternity. I was going to make her legally mine, declaring her as my wife till kingdom come. There would be nobody else for me, nobody who would ever make me smile and cry in this way. She could heal me and break me.

The time jumped forward. Where was Ana?

I had left her, given her some space, to talk to Ethan. What could they be talking about that would take this long? Ugh. I sighed and glared at the empty lobby. There was nothing more I wanted than to take my girl home and away from Ethan. He had had more time with Ana and clearly had the upper hand.

My hand found the handle but then I halted. If I intruded on Ana's talk with Ethan, surely she would be upset with me and that was the last thing I would ever want. "Taylor, would you check on Ms Steele please?"

"Yes, Mr Grey." Taylor nodded at me in the mirror and climbed out of the car. I observed as he disappeared.

Luke was silent now, staring straight ahead. I clenched my jaw. I was not a patient man. Barely five minutes later, Taylor emerged from the semi-hotel. Alone. Luke's sharp intake of breath was all I heard as Taylor explained himself.

The blood within me boiled. If he thought he had won her, he was dead wrong.

**APOV:**

My lips tingled in response to his, opening to let him through. Ethan seized the opportunity and fervently pampered my tongue with his. Passionately, he deepened the kiss and I felt obliged to go on my tiptoes.

Trying to help, Ethan wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. When the kiss was over, he broke away and then brushed his lips against mine. "You deserve to be treated like a princess."

There was the tell-take sign of doom as the lift pinged once more. Christian was about to arrive and show off his boxing skills. "Ethan," I said, trying to step in front of him to defend him from his impending doom. As much as Ethan was strong, Christian had training.

Stubborn as he was, Ethan tugged me behind him, shielding me. He would never understand that it was useless. Christian would never hurt me… but he would love to bend Ethan around a metal pole and mash his bones to eat with bread. The doors opened. My eyes widened in surprise.

**Try; Pink**

**Love Story; Taylor Swift**

**Loves me not; Kris Allen**

**Please leave a review (: **


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